The Assault

Nobody likes to be interrupted. Mainly if we are watching TV and someone appears pointing a gun to our head. This was what happened to me years ago.

It was a summer night and I was watching the news on TV. They were noticing something important and all my attention was there. I heard someone saying something behind me. I didn't understand and kept looking to the TV. I thought it was one of my kids, and said (without look): "Wait a minute". Then, I saw a gun close to my left eye and looked back. There was 2 gunmen in my living room!

They were two thieves. I didn't know how they came in. I had been in the pool til late that day and I was still dressing bikini and shorts. My mom was there and only one of my kids was at home too. The thieves made us go to the first bedroom and we sat there. One of them stayed with us while the second one started stealing my things. They took all electronics they could, my mom purse and even my kids toys!

We were lucky because they didn't hurt us. There was no physical violence because my mom, my son and I got to keep ourselves quiet and calm. After about 1 hour, they took us to the last bedroom (the most far from the street), locked us there and left.

Few minutes later, they were back. They had put everything in my car, but they didn't get to open the garage door and leave! They made me go there alone with them while my mom and my son were locked in that bedroom. I had to open the garage door and drive my car to the street. Then, they took me back to the bedroom and locked me there. So, they left.

In this exact moment, we heard the bell ring! It was my dad! I knew he was about to get there! But the thieves were still inside. We head a shot!!! That was a terrible moment! I prayed! We heard more shots, then there was silence. We were praying and crying! We didn't know what had happened outside!

Next, we heard voices of people calling us and we were screaming: "Here! We are here!" It was our neighbors and my dad! He was alive and ok! He said that when he rang the bell, the thieves were already opening the door to leave. So, my dad and the thieves were in front of each other! My dad ran and hid behind his car, while a robber fired a shot, but didn't get to hurt him.

The noise of the shot made two of my neighbors appear at the street. Both of them (a man and his son) are policemen. They shot the thieves while they were escaping , but the criminals got to flee. Minutes later, several police cars did park in front of my home.

In that same night the thieves were arrested. They were escaping in high speed and the car flipped. At this time the police didn't know yet that they were thieves and went to help them, but the robbers fired shots against the policemen. Then, they tried to escape again, but didn't get it this time.

This happened about 2 days after I had gone to sell my canvas and miniatures at street. My miniatures were in the car that was stolen. I need not say that the miniatures were distroyed when there was the car accident.

I had to start all over again.

The Trump Card

Everyone has a Plan B. What to do when everything goes wrong. Sometimes the plan B is better than whatever we are currently doing, but we don't realize it! And we keep doing "whatever" because it sounds safer. The Plan B is made by despair, but maybe it comes from our deeper core.

I spent years doing "whatever". I did marry again and got my third child. Life became normal during some years. The miniature factory was past. No more painting or modeling until late in the night, no more clay, plaster, dirty hands, table full of colored miniatures, the smell of the ink, molds, fairs, orders. All of this was past. I had a monthly salary and bosses.

However, there is something inside me - SOMETHING, that hates the normal life! Then, I was unhappy. I knew that always would be possible to buy clay and start over. But I did look for a psychologist instead.

I found a lot about me, sure. My likes and dislikes. I like challenges! My job as freelance writer wasn't too common, so no problem, but I was still unhappy. My dad gave me a little help telling me: "Nothing has to be". Then, I got divorced.

As soon as I was divorced, I didn't know exactly where to start. I'd want to do something different. During those bored years, I painted several oil paintings in canvas and some were good! So, I packed my canvas, miniatures and put everything in my car and drove around. Suddenly, I found a nice place and did expose my canvas! That was risky because I didn't have any kind of licence to show my work in that place, but I did! And... guess what? My canvas were sold!

I was just happy! I didn't need that money, but I was happy because it is not easy to sell oil paintings, but I did so well. Later, talking to my dad, he said that I could do that whenever needed money.

He said: "Your painting is your trump card."

Opportunities

We must be alert to the opportunities. We must be ready to them. An opportunity may knock on our door any time. It is not easy to be ready when it comes.

When we are young, we are not aware about opportunities. We don't see it coming and then suddenly the whole thing happens quickly.

I was finishing the college. Architecture is a long and expensive course. I had to do a lot of sacrifices to get it done. I had to work to the publishing house, I lived far from the school, no car, 2 children and no husband to support me. I was in the tenth semester. The last one.

I don't remember exactly what happened, but I had to stay in a place during long time waiting something be fixed and there was a man waiting too. We started talking and I told him about my miniatures. At the end of the conversation, I found out that the man was an important CEO of the publishing house where I worked. I became a bit shy because we were already talking like old friends. He told me to look for him at work next day. So, I did.

He wanted me to write a book about my miniatures! What opportunity! The normal way would be me looking for publishers to get a printed book. This is what normally happens. The young writers have their written books and start looking for publishers, often getting something like "No" as answer. But I had got a publisher asking me a book!

Firstly, I was super happy! Soon I started writing the book... But I had to stop because I must go to the college. I had to take care of my children. I had to work. Then, I got the idea that I couldn't write any book. I had no time! If I spent that semester writing a book, I wouldn't finish the college! I was in the very last semester!

What should I do? Write the book and quit the college? Or finish the college and let that opportunity go? If I had already a written book, that wouldn't be a problem. Yep! The opportunity came and I was not ready!

I did talk to the CEO again and told him my dilemma. I could start writing the book only in the next semester. His face did look like a puzzle. Later I got it.

When I finished the college, I went to look for him, but he was no longer working in the publishing house. He was retired. So, I lost that opportunity.

Choices

In most cases we do our choices in the dark, although it seems that we can see everything clearly. We try to hit the target. We get as much information as possible and work hard to be straight and focused, but we really don't know what is going to happen. Life is unpredictable.

Since I was a teenager I love drawing, painting and writing. Sure, my way would be in one of these fields. That is why I didn't know what to choose when it was time to go to the college. But I had to choose, then I decided to study journalism first. But when I was in the third year, I got pregnant and left the college when my baby was born. Later, I could go back and finish it, but I was so involved with the miniatures that I didn't. Well, you know, there was no time to keep going to the college while I was working with the miniatures.

During those years my life was just painting and painting. The "writing" thing didn't make sense anymore! It sounded as I was mistaken when I picked that. That is why I didn't go back to the college too.

Working with clay means being in contact with the four elements. Clay is earth. It need be watered all time, so we have to work close to the water. Then, it has to be dried by the air, and then burned by fire. Don't ask me about the fifth element! Well, you can ask: the fifth element is the creation. Without it we don't do anything.

When that room collapsed and my miniatures were distroyed, I was so mad that I wanted go to the opposite direction and be as far as possible from all of this. That is why I took some technical courses and quickly I was working with computers. But that was not my deal. A year later I was bored.

My parents wanted me to go back to college. They were glad to help me babysitting my kids. Then, I thought it would be better to study arts instead of journalism. My dad said that arts could be a problem to get a job if I needed. I should study architecture.

So, I did. I went to the college to study architeture during 5 very long years. My dad was a builder and I had other architects in the family, as my uncles and cousin. It would be easy to get a job.

I enjoyed the college, but it wasn't easy for me. Many times I had to have my kids with me in the classroom because my parents couldn't be with them. It sounded as I would have a nice career ahead.

But I was wrong! When I was looking for work I got a job in a publishing house. I had to make some illustrations and visual programming to books and magazines. It seemed perfect. However, eventually they needed people writing pages to the magazines. I ended up writing some pages and soon they only wanted me WRITING!!!

This is how I spent the next 20 years writing to magazines (being an architect!).

PS.: Dear readers, I didn't stop making my miniatures. Next you will see how I did everything at the same time.

The Fate Told me: Stop it!

I am not used to believe in fate because I believe more in our free will, but I don't know, my dear reader, if you already noticed that sometimes we are just taken to another direction. It seems that a quick and sudden sequence of events place us elsewhere. The doors open in that new direction and our other options seem locked.

It was happening to me. In a minute, I had my studio and we were 5 people making miniatures and in the next minute I had nothing. My husband left and I had to be back to my parents home. There was no place to make miniatures in that house, only a room in the backyard where my dad kept his tools and things of the garden and pool. The people that helped me before also disapeared. They didn't feel confortable there.

During the first days, I did nothing. I spent long time sat in the porch just staring in chock. Later I began unpacking the boxes. The molds were damaged. The latex molds had to stay inside the water, but I forgot and it was melted. There were a lot of broken miniatures, the clay and the plaster were hardened. I had to start all over again.

I cleaned the room in the backyard. It was not a nice room. The walls were made of left over wood from old constructions, I could see outside in the spaces between the boards. The roof had some holes, the door had no knobs. I only could be there in the evening, after my children were sleeping. So I was a bit afraid of bats, mosquitos, rats and even snakes when I was there.

I bought clay and latex and made new miniatures. I was used to stay there working alone until very late, as 2 or 3 am. I was all by myself, but the miniatures seemed smiling for me. They were my little family. I still didn't know where or how I would be selling those miniatures.

Then, when I was making the very last painting a strong wind began to blow. It was a storm! It came very quickly! The lamp was shaking, some things flew away! I started closing the cans of ink, packing the miniatures, cleaning the brushes while the rain was already heavy. There was water falling from the little holes of the roof on the miniatures and I had to put them in a protected place, but the wind was so strong that I was fearful. I decided to leave everything there and go back to the house.

As soon as I left the room, the wind came really strong and the room collapsed!!! Oh my God! Seconds before I was inside! All my job was distroyed! So many sleepless nights to get it done!

It was like the fate had told me: STOP IT! Right now! Then, I quit. Next months I began studying computers and soon I was working as a programmer in a big company. My dad said that I went from the Stone Age to the Technology Era in a minute.

A Major Change

The unexpected always happens. It should be called "expected" instead. Marco, my husband, wasn't happy. He was returning very early from fairs on Tursdays and Sundays. But not only this. He was taking longer to get back from fairs outside the city. So, if on Sundays he had to come back like 9 PM, then he was back about 1 PM. But if the fair was in another town and he had to go on Friday to come back on Monday, then he was back only on Tuesday or even Wednesday.

His behavior was different. We talked a lot about it. He wanted to live in another place. He wanted to live outside of Rio de Janeiro. He told me that he couldn't live in a place like Rio anymore. I like the countryside, but I didn't know how it could work out. We had to be close to the downtown to sell the miniatures.

However, I was wrong. Marco didn't want simply to live in the countryside as I thought. He wanted to live outside any city, which means in some remote area. In the jungle! Yes! I got it! I told him what seemed obvious for me. We had 2 children and we couldn't do it to them. There are not schools or hospitals in the jungle. Marco agreed and we stopped talking about this subject during some months.

He was staying there for me and the kids, but he wasn't happy. I could tell it. I guess he also wanted to do his thing. The miniatures were my idea and he wanted to get his dreams done. I had never dreamt about making miniatures. I did it because we needed. The miniatures ended being our job. But he had his personal dreams, and he dreamt about going to the jungle, and work as artisan. He would like to work sculpting wood.

He was becoming depressed. So, I told him: "Go! Just go!" And he did. I stayed alone with the children and soon I learnt that I couldn't make all that by myself. I had no one to take care of my kids. I couldn't go to the fairs with them and the bags full of miniatures. They were 4 and 3 years old. I didn't drive yet in that time.

I had to go back to my parents home. They had a kind of wooden house in the backyard where my dad kept his tools. I tried to make a place for me to keep working with the miniatures.

Marco went to live in another state. First he lived in a farm with some friends. Later he got what he really wanted. He went to live alone in the jungle (it is called "Mata Atlântica" - means "Atlantic jungle"). I didn't see him during years. Sometimes I even didn't know if he was still alive.

He lived as a hermit. Few years ago, after more than 20 years apart, he came to my home several times because he needed go to see the doctor in the downtown and he had no place to stay in Rio. He seemed older than his real age.

Two years ago, he told me that he was sick by depression. He had an employee that was doing all the job. Maybe a month later, I got a phone call. Marco was died. So, I went to his place for the first time. The car couldn't go there. I had to walk a lot. The nature was wonderful, but there was no neighbors, nothing, only the forest. That loneliness was not good to anyone. His death was noticed by the newspaper because he was a naturalist and lastly he became a defender of the forest.

Above, a picture of Marco selling his wooden toys in the fair and down the house he built in the forest.